An Open Letter to Tom Hanks from every runner since 1994.

Dear Mr Hanks,

I write this reluctantly, because I’m somewhat of an admirer of your work.

Much of my childhood was spent enjoying the films you starred in, and whilst a pre-pubescent me didn’t quite get the intricacies of ‘Splash’, my immature other side enjoyed your earlier work with ‘Turner and Hooch’, and perhaps most notably ‘Big’ (what kid didn’t want to dance on a giant keyboard, design toys for production, and get into similar shenanigans?).

Top work also with ‘Philadelphia’, ‘Toy Story’, ‘Castaway’, and whilst not too many people appreciated the intricacies of ‘Joe versus the Volcano’, I kinda dug the semiotics and colour symbolism scattered throughout.

Certainly with the above point in mind I’m even willing to give you a hall pass for your work in ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, ‘The Lady Killers’, ‘The Davinci Code’, and ‘The Polar Express’…I haven’t seen too much of ‘Cloud Atlas’ albeit a short 5 minutes on a long haul flight at god-knows-what-hour (with no audio) however from the amount I saw, I suspect that may not be your finest work either.

...Regardless, I’m a runner, and more to the point, there’s certainly one thing I can never forgive you for.

(I think you know where this is going.)

I’ve just returned from my regular Sunday run and for the umpteenth-million time I’ve had those fateful words bellowed out the window of a car from yet ANOTHER idiot,

“Ruuuunn  Forrest Ruuuunnn!!!!!!”

Now before I get too far ahead of myself, I do realise that you did not ACTUALLY write or direct those memorable words, or those particular scenes, but as the face and figurehead of this juggernaut nightmare you are the most obvious buck to cast my vicious scorn-arrows towards. 

Director Robert Zemeckis and writers Eric Roth and Winston Groom, you will both have your times, most probably when a much more withered and weary pensioner version of me types the next (in a likely series) of angry letters to the ‘world that has wronged me’.

For the time being, Hanks….you’re my punching bag….deal with it.

So without further ado; My direct question to you Mr Hanks is this;

Why oh why couldn’t you have improvised just this once? Why couldn't you have taken matters into your own hands and broken character just the slightest when those actors (playing bullies) chased your leg-brace bound, simpleton character of ‘Forrest Gump’. 

When ‘Jenny’ shouted those fateful words, could you not have replied;

“Shout Jenny Shout!” or
“Great suggestion Captain Obvious!!!! What else would I do?!!”

Instead, you played true to the role, stammered something unintelligible and ran, cursing every weekend runner and road-bound trainer to ridicule for the next 19 years (and counting).

Thanks buddy. Thanks a tonne. 

Granted, for your professionalism you were awarded an Academy Award…but at what cost I ask? What cost?!!!

Now we runners are left bewildered at the longevity of this movie, particularly in the eyes of those who draw inspiration to torment every innocent jogger with this jibe. 

And why? To irk us somehow? 

A large percentage of us certainly do not look like Forrest! Even less have the name ‘Forrest’…I suspect. 

It can’t be a case of mistaken identity, and it never feels like a helpful bit of encouragement. 

It really is just confusing.

The worst part of it all is that 99% of the time the words are shouted from cars with no discernible make or model (because the parts seem to come from many) and by people so unfit that the mere fact that they are out on the road in the first place is either to head to the hospital to have their arteries flushed, or the nearest deep-fried burger joint to ingest more calories.

I just don’t get it.

Are they jealous of the fitness we have? The fresh air we breathe? The wonderful communities that we’re part of?

Perhaps these questions will never be answered; I don’t really expect it to, least of all by you. Like I said, today you’re my punching bag Mr Hanks, nothing more. 

Which leaves us runner’s with the only option left; to savour those rare, but precious moments of actual cheers of encouragement, and our own successes. 

We’ll enjoy our runs alone, traversing the world with our own unique view, to run in the sunshine, dusk, dawn and rain and to take in the glories un-noticed by the ignorant and all-consumed.

We may ‘Run Forrest Run’, but it’s what we see, hear, smell and breathe that matters more.

And with this in mind I need to go…I have to log my kilometres, and afterwards, I have a very sternly worded request to write to the composer of ‘Chariots of Fire’.

Thank you for hearing my concerns,

(Please do not consider a request for a Forrest sequel)

Sincerely

Clay Dawson

p.s. Everyone else….keep running and tune out the haters! We (us other runners) love you still!

p.p.s Now let's all get some ice-cream!

AN ARTICLE THAT WILL HELP YOU SLEEP WELL AT NIGHT

Let me set the scene…

It’s 10 to 5 on a weekend morning and you are very, very solidly asleep for the first time in a restless night. You’re dreaming about Olympic glory in fluffy slippers, or abseiling in a clown outfit, or some other surreal visage when BAM!

That alarm goes off!

And the race starts now (figuratively speaking); bumping knees into bedposts and frantic searches for ‘lucky socks’ whilst trying to cram something nutritious (and stomach settling) into your mouth.

You push your towel and your shoes, a shirt for post-race into your race bag, grab your keys, then let yourself out while trying to zip up your jacket or slip on a hoodie.

Sometime later, after navigating your car as close to the start line, and searching frantically for a park you unload your race-bag to find you’ve forgotten to charge your GPS, you’ve left your left shoe at home and have 2 bent pins to fasten your race number on.

To make matter’s worse, this is only the beginning of the race season.

Sure the scene I’ve described above is a bit of an over-exaggeration, but the point remains; we’ve all faced the horrific realisation of one (or more) crucial elements forgotten on race day. It’s with this in mind that I’ve come up with the FULL PROOF plan to help you avoid race-day disasters so you can focus on getting those pb’s, posing for event photographers, and perfecting your ‘chariots of fire’ /Baywatch-esque finishing chute runs!

BE PREPARED….EARLY.

Below is a list of things you need to have organised PRIOR to going to bed the night before your race (or leaving home to travel to accommodation pre-race).  

1)     Make sure that you have a race bag. A simple back-pack (or green bag) to pack into is an obvious enough necessity and can help you avoid fumbling around awkwardly like a teenager on ‘date night’. It’s an easy one….but it’s definitely step one!

2)     Have a printout of your race number, entry. Race organisers are often dealing with a squillion different things on race morning, so if your entry 

is lost into the technological abyss, you can help him/her out by efficiently whipping out confirmation of your entry.

3)     Packing extra cash and photo ID. Some races require this to sign-in/get your race pack. The cash is handy for food, raffles or race merchandise (some of which goes to great charities, so spend, spend, spend!) 

4)     A printed map of how you will travel to the start line. GPS and Smartphone technology is flawed. Spending race morning screaming at your Galaxy or Iphone will simply make you look a tad looney, and may attract negative attention.

5)     Pack BOTH race shoes and a spare pair of socks into them. Tie the laces together if you need. It’s obvious, but running a marathon barefoot would suck, no matter how many Vibram-high-fives you would get.

6)     Pack a spare shirt. There’s a chance you may have yours torn off when people realise just how much of a sex symbol you are.

7)     Pins. Lots of pins. Some races are stingy with the race-bib pins, so avoid an early morning dash to a craft-store by bringing your own. If you have your race-bib in advance….it’d help to pack this too.

8)     Bring a water bottle/Sports drink. Yes this isn’t a third world country, and water isn’t normally that scarce….but also YOU ARE NOT RAMBO, post-race you will need to rehydrate. Deal with it, pack some.

9)     Medical supplies are awesome. Be sure to pre-pack Band-Aids, nail clippers, and/or anti-chafing supplies; because NOBODY wants to be a member of the race team called ‘Bloody 11’s. 

10)     Pack a phone, or in the very least, money to make a phone call.

11)  A camera is probably not entirely necessary, however if you do manage to bring one the one time Mo Farah decides to run in your local Rotary Club’s annual 5km fun-run  you’ll definitely be glad you did.

12)  Deodorant. So you are not remembered as ‘that runner’.

13)  Spare clothes and a towel. Sometimes it rains, which makes life difficult, more difficult if you don’t have a towel.

So if you can compile all of these things near enough to your bed, with your race-day outfit, keys and wallet, and charged electrical devices!

And you know what? Once you have all of these items ready you’ll sleep soundly with the only tasks you need to do being to eat some food, get in some clothes, get to the race, and claim your well earned GLORY (and complimentary gifts from associated sponsors and third party organisations)!

Good luck and sweet dreams darlings!

(oh yeah, and happy running!)

Clay

You sir, SHALT never amount to anything! (How to crush dreams in an instant!) p.s. You're stupid and fat!

“Excuse me?” I remember asking; thinking perhaps I’d misheard the words or sentiment.

But I’ll backtrack slightly, to better inform you of a story that I’m learning isn’t too unique or uncommon for most runners and athletes in general.

I was tired, weary and sitting alone in a doctor’s surgery when I asked that question. I’d popped in to get a professional opinion, specifically to work out exactly what had happened during a race I’d (almost) run.

The race was one of my first races, and I’d delightedly prepared, hydrated and fuelled perfectly for the humid run (for those of you who may know, the event was the 2011 Twilight Fun Run 10km).

I’d even run the (seemingly) perfect race! My ‘pie-in-the-sky’ goal was to complete the race in under 36mins, and perhaps, just maybe crack the top 10!!!!

Imagine my delight, when 1km from home I was rolling along on my time target and sitting easily in 5^th place!!! (behind someone I’ve since met, the incredibly nice and talented Bior Arok!).

I don’t remember the next 5-6minutes.

Although, I do remember coming to, about a kilometre from where I remembered, on my feet, and suddenly very scared and exhausted! Where was I? Did I finish? Had I achieved time travel?

Long story short, I hadn’t altered the fabric of time so I soon found my way to the first aid tent, then to the hospital, where subsequent tests assured me, that bafflingly, nothing unusual had occurred.

Not willing to admit that maybe my particular team singlet was cursed (I’m a patriotic member of the Ipswich Triathlon Club – http://ipswichtriathlonclub.com.au/ - despite not being able to ride or swim particularly well!) I decided to seek some further advice.

It was during a subsequent doctor’s visit that he sat me down with the reassuring advice, that he couldn’t offer me any solution.

“So how fast do you run?” he asked.

Beaming with pride (I was a long time runner, short term racer and timer!) I told him I was aiming to crack the 36minute barrier (for 10km).

“Perhaps you should look at scaling back your running or choosing another sport?” he suggested with anvil-to-the-newborn’s-face subtlety.

“Excuse me?” I asked…..(but you know that already)

“It’s just that, you’re times aren’t THAT good.” he reasoned matter-of-factly.

Now contrary to how some runners would react, I chose to politely nod, acting as if this was an inspired moment of medical brilliance, and left.  I mean, he was simply giving his honest opinion, this being; that without a logical cause to the effect of my ‘disappearing act’, he couldn’t predict that this wouldn’t happen again. Also, I wasn’t a destined Olympian either. Fair enough….I guess?

What he didn’t get, was that…..the running wasn’t (and isn’t) about that.

For me it isn’t about the people behind or ahead, and sure, it’s pretty rad to win occasionally or to competitively race another runner, but about building upon what I started….growing and becoming stronger and more confident as a person. It’s also about meeting awesome people, staying fit, and smiling lots too.

It was the first time that it REALLY hit home just how some people don’t get ‘it’!

And it’s not an unusual story, I see it all the time, runners belittling themselves or others by putting results and performances up against athletes on higher pedestals and by locking aspirations and dreams away from those who (justifiably or not) are aiming high!

Doesn’t everyone have a Kenyan to chase (be it metaphorical or literal)?

It happened another time to me too….I had a friend who dealt me the (sadly) overused phrase many runners are told;

“You’re a talented runner…..but you’ll never be elite..”

For reasons unknown to anyone but him, he jovially added;

“…like you’ll never have a sponsor or win too much, but it’s not about that right?!”

At this point of the blog, two years of training and hard running since those words my friend spoke, I would very much like to thank Steve, Margot,  and the whole team at InTraining (http://www.intraining.com.au/) for their continued support…as my sponsors.

I’d also like to thank them for continuing to run the Twilight 10km event…which this year I ran 2^nd (to the INCREDIBLY talented Ron Darmon) in 33:20…not my best time, but surely a long way travelled since my goals not too long ago!

So when it comes to those times when those fateful words are spoken, excluding moments of imminent medical danger, I’m living proof of the value in seeking out a second opinion!....

….and perhaps some new friends!.....(ones that run)

Keep running

(Stop when it hurts)

Clay

A Ride Through Hell on MeatLoaf’s Motorbike with it's flaming handlebars!

Perhaps this title of this blog today is a little ambiguous but, like it or not, people love violence, horror and action…and a percentage of those who don’t may enjoy the Meatloaf reference?

Regardless….some of you may have noticed that I haven’t written a lot lately, and whilst this can normally be attributed to me being quite lazy, a technology breakdown, or my short-attention span, on this occasion I’ve been a bit pre-occupied with this lil’ thing called ‘my wedding’.

For those of you runners and athletes unfamiliar with the concept, a marriage is basically an event where you pour every spare second of your time into folding thousands of pieces of glued card, choose between 19 different types of lace and table cloth, and sniff a million differing types of scented candles, and spend a lot of time saying “I agree, that’s quite lovely”…the payoff being; you can give a little back to that special someone who (against logic) sits by while you race, or lift, or obsess over diets and/or supplements.

And let’s be honest….no one else would put up with your crazy obsessive ways.

So, being a running blog I won’t spend too long on the ‘W’ word, there are MORE than enough flowery and poetic Wedding blogs out there, TRUST ME! 

So...needless to say, when the big day came, I managed to get out a lazy 30km training run before the ceremony, which went well; People were happy, suits and dresses were worn, tears were wept, and (most importantly) she said ‘I do’. Verbal contract sorted.

Our Honeymoon of 2 weeks in Vietnam was planned around a race during a Half-Marathon festival I found on the island of Phu Quoc….of course it was.

Regardless, as I was busy with the Wedding itself I soon found myself without any research or knowledge of the race or climate toeing the start line of the afternoon race (3pm local time). The weather for the race was an uncomfortable sunny 34degrees, however a morning storm had wet the ground sufficiently enough to produce a sickening amount of humidity come race time à 85%!!!!!!

Added to this was the newfound knowledge that the 400-odd runners set to compete with me came from an assortment of 30 different countries! I had NO IDEA how competitive, fast, or co-operative they would be!

In a seeming stroke of pre-emptive genius my (now) wife had signed us up for the 10km, instead of the Half Marathon, so some reassurance came from the knowledge that ‘hopefully’ the majority of the very fast looking runners around me would hopefully be running the ‘premier event’ and I could represent the country of Australia well and do my countrymen and women well!

Regardless I made the conscious effort to head out fast, and then see who was around me, how the course felt (75% of the course was on clay, muddy, unpaved tracks) as well as who the ‘competitors’ were.

That's when the gun went off.

I shot away and fortunately found myself in a very comfortable, but speedy pace at the front. In spite of the heat, I was feeling pretty good and with a kilometre down (in around 3mins) I decided to continue to build on my lead.

2km, still feeling good and with a now solid lead I eased off to a speed slightly above comfort, figuring I could leave only enough ‘fuel in the tank’ at the 5km turnaround to run the 5km home to hopefully take out the win!

This is where things went quite wrong, in a very monumental way.

When I hit the 5km turnaround a number of Vietnamese race marshalls excitedly greeted me, I was visibly quite exhausted, so I grabbed the supplied water, thanked them and turned around…

…only to be stopped.

“No….Keep going!” they said, pointing further up the road.

I glanced over at the sign (which clearly read in blue letters; ‘5km turnaround’), my blue bib, then at my GPS garmin; which confirmed that I had run 5km to the turn-around. 

“No…” I smiled and reassured them, “…I’m in the 10km! this is my turn.”

“No!” All five of them insisted! “YOU keep going!”

My heart dropped through my feet. They not only could not understand English or what I was saying, but they honestly believed that I was a half marathon runner.

One of them shoved me along, urging me to continue on.

So...I ran, and the pace bike continued on with me.

 

At this juncture I was in quite a state as I considered, just how exhausted I was, as well as how much further I now had to run! Would the more experienced runners, reel me in as my body failed me later? Would I be disqualified? Would I even be able to finish the race?

The weather immediately felt hotter.

But I managed to push on. And I did finish, not ridiculously quickly, but given the time taken in futile to ‘talk’ to the Race Marshalls, my fast start, and the weather conditions I was happy to simply cross the finish line at all!

And they credited me with the win in the Half Marathon! I beamed with pride, in my Intraining (sponsor - www.intraining.com.au- check 'em out!) singlet and laughed at scenario much later, as they presented me with my trophy, and still as I type this, it all seems so surreal.

I guess the point of all of this is to remind us all that we are capable of so much more than our measly doubts will try to tell us. We all have a strength that is there when we need it, and has the ability to step up and reach further than we could imagine.

For my poor wife Michelle, this race was a little bit more traumatic. For the extra 30-odd minutes I was gone, she was forced to deal with the fact that less than a week into her marriage, she had quite literally lost her husband in a foreign land!

(If you read this Shell, thank you for not attacking me with an empty, and extraordinarily cheap Saigon Beer bottle when I rounded that corner to cross the line!).

With my first race since Phu Quoc this weekend, I can only hope it’s a lot less ‘eventful’!

Stay safe,

Hug that ‘special supporter’, buy them some flowers,

and enjoy your running!

Clay

How Can Something be Simultaneously Depressing & Uplifting? Read On Lovely People To Find Out!

I find it quite amusing that, as I write this, I’m rolling my weary right ankle and popping another anti-inflammatory into my mouth. I mean, here I am preaching to all and sundry the benefits of smacking our feet and legs into concrete and asphalt routinely under the guise of ‘healthy living’, and yet quite often of late I quite frequently wake up hobbling around like a wizard-esque extra from a Peter Jackson film!

I guess the long and the short of it, is that we are all aware of what is necessary to ‘healthily’ punish our bodies….but the inconvenience of matters such as ‘warming up’, ‘stretching’ or ‘rest’ can sometimes fall on deaf ears…especially if the instruction is coming from a pair of lips 1 ½ inches south!

But this is another blog, for another time….

What I’m writing about specifically though, is something I’ve been pondering about for a little while. In fact, I was thinking about it as I tried in vain to catch (to no avail) a very wily runner who (eventually) beat me last night in a 10km race. I’m referring to something athletes of almost every code and type thinks about constantly; the incessant question that rings out louder with every step traveled  or rep completed. The question is;

“How long will it be until I reach my absolute peak, and the inevitable decline in performance begins?”

Without dwelling too much on this, it will happen. The pure fact is, some of us will lose interest, become injured, or simply will lose physical strength and ability. There simply aren’t that many 80 year-olds running onto football fields, fly-kicking UFC fighters, or running sub 2hr10min marathons!

Sadly old father time is wearily tapping his Garmin GPS watch with a raised eyebrow with every step I take. My time is drawing closer to the end with every minute.

But wait! Before you give up your current sport and decide to take up Cliff-diving or unassisted-bridge-bungee jumping, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

It happened a few minutes after I finished last night, while I hugged my parents and tried to avoid a wild storm that overtook everyone else unfortunate enough to be still running.

(FYI there was ACTUALLY a ridiculously vicious storm, this is no metaphor….at least on my behalf…I can’t categorically vouch for any not-so-benevolent-omnipresent being, or beings?.....I digress)

I watched a much younger; and very, very talented runner come in 3^rd place and I realised that tonight….tonight, I had the mental grit and toughness that only comes from a little bit more age.

I’m not naïve to say this elevates me over this (or any runner)….that runner has beaten me in the past, quite easily, and he WILL beat me in the future (he’s an amazing runner to watch that’s for sure). Like a fine wine, he will only get better…which is very scary!

But my point is, we a creatures made up of life experiences! These experiences make us stronger and give us memories to draw upon when life gets tough. We build resolve from them and when the unthinkable is possible, we use them to draw strength!

And best of all…..this is what keeps us feeling young. We have found the holy-grail and the time machine for feeling young, without the embarrassment of buying gold chains, convertible cars, hair-plugs and Ed Hardy t-shirts!  

Until the next morning of course, when the hangover of stiff joints brings us very much into the present!

But we wouldn’t have it any other way…..would we?

(Time to start stretching!)

Happy Running/Exercising!

Clay

Sexy Beast! Maybe runners can be ‘sexy’?

The fact that you clicked on this blog, given the title, says so much about you as a reader already.

The fact that I would resort to that, as a title, probably says more.

Regardless, FIRST! After 10 days of periodic usage of the (supposedly) MIGHTY BEETROOT SUPPLEMENT I’m here to blow the lid off preconceptions about the vegetable like never before!

For this ‘expose’ to have the true effect I’m aiming for you may need to prepare your mind in order to get into a position where you ACTUALLY CARE about your intake of beetroot. This is especially apparent as I can’t quite conjure the sensationalism and tabloid journalism of ‘A Current Affair’, ‘Today Tonight’ or ‘Fox News’.

Beetroot is misunderstood. Beetroot is a novelty to you, nothing more than occasional burger filler (for Australians) and iconically Irish; for whatever that is worth? Are you angry yet? Furious? Passionate about Beetroot having it's time in the sun?

...Good. 

Now, I’ll begin.

Readers of my previous post will realise that I’ve been taking a recommended dosage of Beet juice prior to every run (training and race) in order to ascertain personally whether the proposed benefits of doing so will increase my nitrate levels and benefit my overall muscle strength and endurance (particularly over workouts around the 30 minute mark…..probably handy for a 10km runner!!!!).

For the layman….I wanted to see if drinking Beetroot juice will turn me into the Incredible Hulk.

Initially the most obvious result of drinking this prior to a workout session was the immediate distaste of the juice. It’s quite gross, and that’s really hard to work through; anyone suggesting that a liquefied version of a vegetable with no added sugar or sweetening agent will taste like anything other than pure excrement has quite a future in politics.

This issue is compounded somewhat initially with the occasional ‘burp’ mid run, which brings back the flavour. I’ve tried differing the times between consumption and running but this seems to have little effect. Thankfully, my body has gotten ‘used’ to it…so that really isn’t an issue anymore.

Also, I shudder to say this, I’ve actually gotten used to the flavour! Please note….I’m not sipping Beet Juice with a Cab Sav and plate of Blue-vein Cheese anytime soon….but I can stomach it with much less tantrum throwing and “here comes the airplane!” manoeuvres (quite embarrassing when you’re doing it to yourself).

At this juncture it brings me great joy to say that, of the (reportedly) minimal% of consumers who have experienced a ‘discolouration’ of their urine, I have been lucky enough to be one! Whilst initially feeling like I was leaking strange ‘blood coloured’ pee, when I came to terms with the change, and whilst this is a MASSIVE OVERSHARE; it felt pretty cool to control my own ‘Darth Vaderesque Light Saber’.

Er-herm!…..moving on…

Performance wise, the results so far are somewhat inconclusive. I’ve had about 6 training sessions with the Beet, some where I performed and recovered well, others where I was normal. Nothing overwhelmingly ‘hulkesque’ regardless. In terms of the two races I’ve run with the supplement, both have been successful (1^st on a 10km Brisbane Road Race, 3^rd in the State QLD 10,000mt track championships), however my time and performance was equal, and even slightly underwhelming in both.

Perhaps these events could be attributed to the limited time I have used the product, or simply the fact that as an elite(esque) athlete, my body is already efficient in creating nitrites (from the nitrates for those of you following at home) so any effect would be marginal.

Regardless I will continue, and update you again soon. I would like to also try some other products too, and gain feedback from anyone else using Beetroot juice. So if you do use, or know someone who does, drop me an email at: funky_clay@hotmail.com

In between then and now, enjoy your running,

Or at the very least high-five someone who ran today!

(just be sure to give them notice…High-five related injuries are on the rise…I saw it on ‘Today Tonight’!)

Safe travels,

Clay