I’m generally not the type of person who remembers dreams
vividly in the cold light of day; it’s something that has cursed me when I’ve
had those Nobel Prize winning ideas or unique Cancer solutions forgotten in the
morning. But there is one exception to this in my case.
The dream I speak of came at a time when I was far too young
to be thinking about Athletics, running marathons, or anything other than tyre
swings, how icky girls are, early model Nintendo’s and pulling Band-Aids off
knees really quickly (so it hurts less).
I don’t remember the
dream going for too long either, but it woke me so violently that to this day
the details send chills down my spine.
It went like this;
(As a young boy) I was running laps on the grass around my
primary school oval. Round and around I jogged when I realised I was being
followed by, quite literally a menagerie of animals. I ran around and around,
lap after lap, with lions, tigers, elephants, and all manner of (logically very
foreign) creature tailing my steps, the mere act terrifying enough, knowing
that I could potentially be trampled to death at any moment!
But then a strange thing happened, as if all of this wasn’t
peculiar enough; I started to realise that they weren’t catching me! I was
holding my own like some ‘king of the beasts’, as a superior example of
Darwinism at its finest, flexing my considerable boy-muscle at the world and
coming out on top.
And then I fell, as I tumbled helplessly towards the ground
I turned at the precise moment that a large, hungry Bengal tiger swiped its
substantial claws at my face...instant death.
And then I woke up.
This dream proved to be a quite (understandably) confusing
and terrifying moment; as a non-athletic kid suddenly having to face his
mortality at the hands of a creature I’d only ever seen in ‘The Gods Must Be
Crazy’.
It scared me indeed, but it also got me thinking, and thinking
today still…
…If anyone of us were put in a similar position…how would
the human species stack up against the might of the animal kingdom?
To do this I’ve taken a handful of animals that I (neither a
historian, expert OR biologist) suspect would put up the most obvious
competition and measured their endurance capabilities over the distance of a
marathon (42.2kms) to see how we’d fare.
But first, let us consider us humans:
HUMANS:
Maximum speed:
The fastest time recorded by a human is 44.72km/h by Usain
Bolt (of course), however this was only for 20meters (of a hundred meter sprint
race).
For the purpose of this article this and his 9.58sec 100meter world
record are both moot points.
Don't get me wrong, they’re very, very cool, but while Usain is
showboating 110meters away from the stampede of wildebeest (travelling at a
higher velocity for a more sustained amount of time) most would suspect his
time on this planet would be somewhat limited.
Endurance/Marathon time:
Patrick Makau’s 2h03m38sec marathon is the current
world record, and as such the benchmark for the
He’s
Kenyan too, although I probably didn’t need to mention that right?
Contributing factors/Extenuating Circumstances:
I’ve been told the optimum temperature for a
runner to run a marathon is around 12 Degrees Celsius….however with races in
all manner of temperature, terrains and locations around the world, we have
continually proven ourselves to be quite versatile at moving away from a given
point when motivated.
I suspect the addition of a hungry carnivore in pursuit of
us would motivate one even more.
REPTILES:
Maximum speed:
The black spiny-tailed iguana of Costa
Rica has been clocked at 34.9km/h....which qualifies as 'Gosh-Darn-That-There's-Fast' (in Official scientific terminology).
Generally speaking the sigmoid anatomy of most
reptiles makes movement for an extended period of time very difficult.
Put
simply, with a decent head start even the most delicious looking human will
live to see another day.
Contributing factors/Extenuating Circumstances:
As
the Spiny-tailed Iguana is an herbivore; in a death battle it may pose little
threat.
In fact, It’s only threat to us is through salmonella contamination. In terms of
‘superfast-deadly-animals-over-a-short-distance’ the Black Mamba is probably
the most obvious contender (23km/h).
Interestingly the Salt Water Crocodile has
a galloping speed of 17km/h, however this too is over short-distances only. For those of you brave enough to try this at home; It’s also worth noting that the Salt water Croc has almost 2 tonnes of jaw
pressure (the strongest bite in the world) so a few extra feet of head-start is
probably wise.
In short….nice try reptiles….you’re creepy, bitey, scaley
and gross…..but no match for the mighty ape-descendant! Yay Humans!
FELINE:
Maximum speed:
Immediately the Cheetah will come to
most of our minds as one particular animal we wouldn’t actively
Luckily for us, the Cheetah has endurance
skills similar to my Honda, in that it can only run for about 60seconds at this
pace (on a good day).
An interesting side note is that the Lion is also a bit
of a speedster (capable of 80kph over 20mts) and is (perhaps not as
surprisingly) just as terrifying if you’re carrying a limp and are in one’s
peripheral vision.
Endurance/Marathon time: I can’t find too much information confirming
the endurance capabilities of the feline species, though from what I can find
out the extremely flexible spines of most felines, make them quite agile; give
them extremely long strides, at the cost of energy output. In short, I’m going
to suggest that their endurance capabilities may not be too impressive…
…Having said that, they are generally quite scary and have
sharp claws.
Contributing factors/Extenuating Circumstances:
I did try some ‘ground research’ on the
household variety of cat by chasing my neighbour's tabby, however it is a sly
beast, and quickly made a hasty exit before I could peruse it for too long.
An interesting side note is that my neighbours have not been
quite as cordial in their relations since seeing me darting around their backyard unannounced.
Preliminary Summation:
Reptiles and Felines, whilst scary appear to pose little
threats to a focussed human endurance runner.
Obviously terrain, particular
athlete strengths, technological aides, weather conditions, gypsy powers and/or
any number of other factors play a role in any proposed showdown; however it
appears at this very infant stage that we may very well be leading in a
‘species on species’ analysis.
Stay tuned and watch this space when the challenge is thrown
down with other mammals, Canines, Birds, Equine and Insect species.
Watch this space….and your back….
Because say what you like, snakes and lions are still pretty
freaky-deaky!
Happy Running friends!
Clay
